


Dissolve Me

by rosebudbois



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, M/M, bed sharing, just two boys being bros, sharing a bed and cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:46:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosebudbois/pseuds/rosebudbois
Summary: Baz is cold and Simon is warm. The only logical thing for them to do now is sleep in the same bed, right?aka fluffy snowbaz bed-sharing fic that nobody asked for





	Dissolve Me

**Author's Note:**

> a rewrite of a fic i wrote for the carry on countdown last year! i wasn't happy with how it turned out so why not just write it again (and change most things in it but whatever)

_Broken_ _sweethearts_ _who_ _sleep_ _apart_

 _Both_ _still_ _pine_ _for_ _the_ _other’s_ _side_ _spine_ , _spoon_ _as_ _sleep_ _starts_

 

**SIMON**

It’s late and I can’t fall asleep. The room is too hot and I’ve been tossing and turning all night, unable to find a position that’s even remotely comfortable. Despite the window being open and cold air pouring into the room, my whole body is sweating.

Baz makes it worse.

I know that he’s awake. We’re not facing each other, but his breathing isn’t as deep as it usually is when he’s sleeping. He must either be waiting for me to fall asleep, or he can’t fall asleep as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if my constant thrashing and annoyed groans are keeping him awake, but I don’t feel bad.

I started the night trying to find ways to fall asleep. Counting sheep didn’t work out like Ebb told me it would. My brain would just lose count and move on to other, more interesting topics to occupy my time with. And my attempts to find a sleeping position were, and continue to be, completely useless.

After giving up around 2 in the morning, I decided to focus on finding ways to entertain myself. Things like tapping my fingers on my thumb, trying to see how fast I can get them to go before I mess up. But that can only be entertaining for so long.

It’s too dark to see the clock on the table next to my bed, but I’m assuming it’s around 4 now. Tomorrow is going to be rough. I roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling, letting my eyes become adjusted to the dark until I can make out the shape of the light above me.

During the day, I try not to let myself think too much, and it’s times like this that I remember why that is. I get too caught up in everything; when the Humdrum will attack next, what the Mage expects from me, what the deal is between me and Agatha. How soon, school will be over and I don’t even know what I’m going to do without it. Thankfully, I won’t be forced into another boy’s home for the summer. But I’ll be done with Watford, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for the only constant, happy thing in my life (besides Penny). What Baz and I even are anymore.

Sure, we’re still enemies. But I can tell we don’t hate each other as much as we used to. I think we’re just tired of all the fighting. At first, I enjoyed the hatred between me and Baz, but any attention I got when I first arrived at Watford was welcome. Living in various foster and boy’s homes throughout my life didn’t allow me any time to form attachments to people, so now I take what I can get. Including a connection with a vampire who hates my guts.

Baz hasn’t made an attempt on my life since he tried to steal my voice though, which is an improvement. We barely get into physical fights anymore either. Our fights nowadays are over petty things, like when Baz accused me of snoring last week.

I’m suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when I hear Baz shift in his bed and clear his throat. I roll over again so I’m on my side, facing him. My eyes take a second to get accustomed to the light — it’s darker on his side of the room, away from the window — but when they do, I can see that Baz is mirroring my position. He’s curled on his side, his black hair a stark contrast to the white pillow it’s spread out on.

Our beds are so close together. If I reached my arm out, I could run my fingers along his cheek. Not that I would do that. Why would I do that?

We stare at each other in silence. Both of us aware that the other is awake, but neither wanting to interrupt the peace.

I’m the one to do it. “Baz? I know you’re awake.”

He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I think he’s finally fallen of sleep. Of course he would right before a potential civil conversation. Maybe that’s for the better though, I’m afraid of what we could possibly talk about at this hour.

He finally speaks up, “Why are you up so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” I don’t want to tell him why, and I’m not even sure if I know why myself. There’s just too much going on.

“First of all, I’m freezing my ass off. Thanks for leaving the window open. And second, you’ve been moving around for hours. How am I supposed to fall asleep to that.” He’s whispering, but keeps the snarkiness present in his voice.

I watch as he rolls onto his back, and I can see the outline of his arm reaching up, fingers carding through his hair. He puts his arm back under the covers, pulling them up to his chin and tilting his head to focus on the ceiling.

“It’s hot as fuck in here, what are you talking about?” I can’t see his eyes in the dark, but I know he rolls them. It is though; hot in here. And it seems to be getting hotter the longer I stay awake. I blame the vampirism for his always being freezing when it’s really not. And I blame my constant feeling of like I’m going to burst into flames for my always being unreasonably hot.

He sighs and drops his head to the side so he’s looking at me again. “Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean the rest of the world is, Snow.” He snaps, but with less venom than usual.

“If you’re so cold, why don’t you get up and close the window yourself.” I huff in annoyance. If the only way I’ll be able to stop his whinging is by burning up more than I am now, then so be it.

Instead of closing it like I thought he would, he sits straight up in his bed, bringing his pillow with him. By the time I realize what he’s doing, he’s already raised the pillow up above his head and thrown it full force at my face.

“Baz! What the hell?” I say once I’ve recovered from his brutal attack. “That was totally uncalled for.” I toss the pillow back to his bed, afraid that if I whack him back it’ll result in a pillow fight that I am not ready for.

He just picks up the pillow and tucks it back behind his head to lean against. His arms are crossed in front of him and it may be dark but I can tell that he’s smiling. “It only seemed fair. You’re the reason I’m cold, always leaving the window open, and I don’t think I should have to close it.”

“Are we really going to argue about this right now?” It’s too late for this. Or is it technically early now? The last thing I need is to have yet another argument with Baz about the fucking window. It’s literally the least important thing in our lives at the moment.

“Not if you close the window.” I don’t think he’s going to budge.

“I’m not closing the window.” It’s such a petty thing to have a fight about, but that’s how Baz and I always are. I give up though, and decide to just let this one end early. “Fuck you’re so annoying.” I sigh dramatically and stand up, but instead of closing the window, I take my blanket off my own bed and throw it across Baz’s. I lay back down on my own bed and draw my legs up to my chest so they aren’t near the edges.

I may be the Chosen One, but any monsters under the bed do not give a fuck about that.

Baz stares at it like he’s never seen a blanket before. He’s always so weird when I do something nice. I hate it.

He gets over the confusion of me giving him my blanket quickly, appreciating the extra warmth that it’s added. “You know this is going to keep me warm all night? Not with all that cool air still coming in.” Why am I surprised that he find some reason for my sweetness to be unhelpful. “But thank you.”

He settles down into his bed and turns onto his side again. We’re facing each other like we were earlier, and just like then, neither of us are attempting to fall asleep.

We lay in silence. The clouds outside have shifted to reveal the moon, which shines light through the window and directly onto Baz. Enough light that I can see him clearly. He’s now pretending to be sleeping, but the way his eyelids flutter tells me that he’s not.

I continue to study his face. It always amazes me how he can be so intense and cold — in the rude way, not the temperature way, but also that way too — whenever we talk; but right now he seems like he couldn’t hurt a fly.

The way the light glows on his face makes the usual sharp lines of his chin and cheekbones look almost, soft. Baz? Soft? Unheard of. I wonder if he could be, though.

I let my mind wander with thoughts of Baz; could he ever act that way around someone? I imagine him holding someone’s hand, looking at them like they just hung the moon. Maybe he’d be a cuddler. I think I can see that: Baz letting someone rest their head on his chest, running his fingers through their hair while both of them fall asleep to the sound of each other’s breathing.

It’s not until I realize that I’m imagining that other person as me when I snap myself out of my thoughts.

Fuck.

I quickly try to find another thing to think about. Anything. But all my mind keeps going back to is Baz’s fingers running through my hair, cupping my jaw, trailing down my back.

It doesn’t help that Baz is now staring right back at me. Does he know? No, how could he know what I’m thinking. Unless he can read minds. Can vampires read minds?

“Snow, as much as I appreciate your care for me, I think you exploding may be a little too much heat for me. Would you mind calming down a bit.” I didn’t even notice that I was starting to smoke a bit. It happens when I worry too much.

I try to cool down my magic, forgetting about the whole Baz thing for the sake of our room. “Sorry. Accident.” I mutter and turn over to shove my face down into my pillow.

It only takes a few minutes for Baz to speak up again. “I know we’re not the best of friends, obviously, but if there’s something you’d like to share, I wouldn’t mind hearing it.”

I have a little debate with myself in my head at this. There’s no way I could tell him what I’m thinking, that’s for sure. If he finds out that I may possibly have the slightest crush on him then things may not turn out well for me. But he knows there’s something going on and it would be weird now if I said ‘nothing’.

Something must be wrong with my brain. Because instead of being a normal human and coming up with a lie, I blurt out: “I’m just thinking that maybe we’d be better off sleeping in the same bed.”

There are a few beats of silence while Baz works through what I said, and I sweat more than ever, until he replies with, “I’m flattered that you want to sleep with me, Snow. But I’m not sure you’ve seen the size of these beds if you think we can both fit in one.”

“It just that, you’re really cold, and I’m really hot. So maybe if we were to sleep together then I could like, transfer my body heat to you or whatever. And you could do the same with your body cold. It’s a win-win situation really.” I’m pulling excuses out of my ass at this point, but it’s better than acting like I didn’t say anything in the first place. “I think we could both fit, too. You don’t take up that much room.”

Damn my emotions for getting the best of me.

I think Baz is going to finally ignore me and go to sleep, but then he mutters a “Fine” and scoots to the edge of the bed. I only get up once he lifts the covers and gestures for me to get in.

I climb into the bed awkwardly and lay staring at the ceiling, fiddling with my thumbs.

What makes it all the more uncomfortable is what I’m wearing, which is not much. I wasn’t about to let myself lay in bed and sweat through my clothes. But in this situation, only wearing pants feels completely inappropriate. Thank Crowley Baz is wearing pajamas.

I’m not sure what to say at first, so I just keep laying there. Thanks to my brain for choosing this exact moment for not allowing me to blabber on like a complete idiot, as I usually do.

Baz is the first one to break the silence. “How would Wellbelove feel about us sleeping in the same bed?”

That's definitely not what I was expecting him to say. “Why would Agatha care? We’re not together anymore.” Baz looks surprised at that. I guess he wouldn’t have any way to know that we broke up, but you’d think he’d figured it out somehow. What with how he always tried to get in the way of our relationship.

“Oh. I guess it doesn’t matter then, though it wouldn’t hurt for you to wear some clothes, Snow.” He snaps quietly. It was only a matter of time for him to comment on how I am nearly naked.

I settle for ignoring him — afraid to provoke him when we’re so close to each other — and shift so I’m on my side facing away from him, my knees bent. He does the same, which ends up not going well as it results in our butts touching just the slightest. Enough for us to notice. And enough for me to heat up even more at the contact.

He was right, these beds aren’t big enough for the both of us.

“Maybe I’ll just go back to my bed.” I say, carefully pulling the covers up to remove myself from the situation. Before I can leave, I feel Baz grab my shoulder and pull me back down.

“No. You got yourself into this mess, you can’t leave now. Besides, you’re warm and I’d like it if you stayed.” There’s no way I’m hearing this right, am I? Someone must’ve drugged the real Baz and replaced him with a more reasonable, nice version.

“Uhm, okay.” I get back into the bed. We’re laying like we were a few minutes ago, except now we’re facing each other. We’re far enough apart where it’s not weird, but close enough where I can make out every detail in his face.

I let myself go, I can’t help it. His eyes are just so alluring. They seem so dark and boring from far away, but up close they’re a completely different color, and far more interesting. I truly could get lost in his eyes. And his eyebrows. I hate those fucking eyebrows. Always arched in a mocking way, usually toward me, except for now. Now they’re relaxed and for once he doesn’t look like he wants to murder me.

I’m never going to get a chance to be so close to Baz again, so I make sure to examine and memorize every single one of his features. Each blemish and freckle, no matter how small. The way his cheeks puff out a bit, almost like he’s hiding something in there.

Finally, I come to my senses and notice that he’s staring right back at me. He doesn’t look annoyed though, he just looks like he too is trying to commit to memory the way I look right now. It’s only now that I let myself entertain the idea of Baz reciprocating the feelings I think I have for him.

I think I’ve come to terms with that, liking Baz. It’s so Simon of me to fall in love with my enemy.

Instead of letting myself get lost further in his looks, I break the intense eye contact between us. “Face the other way.”

He looks confused at first, but turns to face away from me anyway.

What I’m doing may be very brave but I will admit that I’m scared of what he may do. I scoot up so my chest is against Baz’s back and, being as hesitant as possible in case he decides now is a good time to end me, I drape my arm across his waist and rest it on his stomach.

He tenses, but doesn’t push me away, which is a good sign. I move my hand up to brush the hair out of his neck so I can rest my head there, then bring it back down to his stomach again.

“Now you’ll be warm.” I whisper into his neck, causing him to shiver at the feeling.

“Thanks.” He breathes.  

I, Simon Snow, am currently spooning my enemy of several years. I’m spooning my enemy, and I like it. It’s safe to say that during all my years at Watford, fighting with Baz, I could have never predicted that this would happen.

I can feel him start to warm up, and myself start to cool down, the longer we lay here.

He’s relaxed into me now, and I take that as a sign to do something that may cause him to shatter every bone in my hand. I slowly start to run my hand up and down his stomach.

He lurches forward and I stop. That seems to not be okay with him, because he places his hand on top of mine, like a silent gesture to urge me to keep going. So I do.

At this point, I guess it’s just a matter of testing our boundaries. I’ve never done anything like this before, whatever _this_ is. I slip my hand under the hem of his shirt and trace circles above his belly button with my thumb.

With the way he’s reacting to this, you’d think this boy has never had anyone touch him. Like, at all. Not even a friendly touch such as a hug or even a pat on the back. I honestly wouldn’t really be surprised though. Baz and the people he associates with — Dev and Niall, the entire Pitch and Grimm families — don’t seem to be the type to engage in friendly touches.

I stop rubbing his stomach and let my hand stay flat on his stomach. He brings his hand back up to mine, but this time laces his fingers through my own, his palm against the back of my hand.

Neither of us are saying anything, but I think I’d rather have it that way. I’m not sure what I would say to him at this point anyway. Cuddling with your roommate, who is also your enemy and possibly a vampire, isn’t something that just happens every day.

I indulge myself one more time, placing a light kiss on the back of his neck and smiling at the sigh he lets out and how his grip on my hand tightens.

I’m not sure who falls asleep first, but we both do. The window is still open, letting in a steady stream of cold air, but for once, we’re the perfect temperature.

That’s enough for me to say that I think this is how Baz and I are meant to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you guys for reading!! kudos and comments are appreciated and if i don't respond to your comment just know that i love u for supporting me :') also you can find me on tumblr @ravenclawbaz cause i post my fics there too!


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